Saturday, February 05, 2011

*Contents may be a little offensive*

So this is the same character, Star again, only later on in life. Again it's short as it was another activity for a writing course - anywho I'll stop rambling :)

They were playing the thumping music so loud I could feel it vibrating in my rib cage.  Hot bodies were pressed all around me, jumping to the beat and lights flashed in the darkness.  I looked around but could not see my quarry.  I pushed between the writhing masses and tried to head toward the bar, I might be able to get a better look around from there.  I barrelled out from the dance floor and straight into someone.  A very tall and broad someone.  I looked up and up, about to mouth my apologies when I was caught in a bruising grip and familiar glare.
            ‘What the fuck?’ He said.  I’m not very good at lip reading but even I got that much.
            ‘Ah, hi Josh, fancy meeting you here,’ I rambled on trying to extricate my arms, any harder and I would have a nice set of finger bruises.  He shook his head at me and motioned to the side, I guess he couldn’t hear either. 
Josh clearly didn’t share the same problems getting through the crowd I had, people simply cleared out of his path like Moses parting the Red Sea.  But maybe if I was over six foot and had a natural air of menace about me perhaps I wouldn’t have been getting trampled all night either.  I was not impressed, however, to see I was being hauled into the Men’s toilets.  Josh shouldered the heavy black door and heaved me in after him as I wriggled and literally tried to dig my heels in.  There was a man standing at a long stainless steel urinal.  Nice. 
‘You!’ Josh said loudly in the relevant quiet, ‘Piss off.’ 
The poor man jumped back as if he had been struck and without putting himself away, yes unfortunately I did notice, he staggered out.  I looked resentfully after him.  I could argue with Josh, in fact I would argue with him, but we both knew I wouldn’t win.  My night’s hunting was about to come to an untimely end.


  1. Is Star the narrator from The Love Potion? I'm not quite sure!

    However, nice little story. Intrigued to read more. I'm guessing Star is maybe a vampire, but perhaps I'm way off-kilter there. And who is Josh? Questions, questions! Great piece!

  2. Wow Gayle that was quick!!
    Yes sorry, for those of you who have not read my eTMA or general Star story:
    Star is the witch from Love Potion. The male character in this scene is a witch hunter, whom she has to work with. Her 'quarry' in this instance is a club-land vamp.
    Hope this answers some of your questions and I hope to raise many more :)

  3. Again, I like your style of writing. I like that it's light and conversational when you deal with something that is dark.
    I loved the potential of knowing more about the relationship between Star and Josh (since I just read a bit more about what you write about).
    I'm not in a critical finding mood today, I guess, because there was nothing I could see here that struck me as not quite right or confusing.

  4. I find myself wanting to read more about Star. Hope you have more.

  5. I have more :)
    Thanks for reading again - your are absolute sweeties!

  6. I loved the implication throughout the piece that she is something other than a normal human, especially in that last line. It's also rather ominous in suggesting things are about to go bad.

  7. Girl, I am liking!!!

    So Josh intrigues me. I need more Chantal!!
    So this piece just drew me right in. I was able to get a really good feel for the atmosphere, setting, mood. When Josh entered into the scene, he filled the room up, you know what I mean. You have captured my attention and leave me wanting to read more honey :)

  8. Awwww shucks thank you so much for reading I really appreciate it :)

  9. Chantal - I think you draw out the seething masculinity and underlying aggression of the Josh character well. I also felt you described the bar/club well - certainly reminded me of a few I've been to. I am the only male to comment so far and I thought the reference to a night's hunting was she was on the a night's pulling - is this a gender thing or would I have got it if I'd read your other piece? That said the ambiguity could work well.